My heart aches. My hands tremble. My eyes burn from the tears.
What I'm describing, was a life changing experience I had in Israel. A night where I prayed with the town of Ra'anana for the safety of IDF soldier, Hadar Goldin.
On Friday August 1, the IDF announced the suspected kidnap of Hadar Goldin.
I hear the news while I'm on my way to my boyfriend's cousins' house in a town called Ra'anana. When his cousin picks us up from the bus stop, he tells us that Hadar was in his grade in High School.
My heart feels heavy as this new information settles in. Hadar is no longer a name I read in the multitude of news articles about Israel- it is now much more personal. Hadar is a friend, a twin brother, a son, and a fiance. As I learn more about him, I can't help but worry.
The next morning at 6 am, I woke up to a rocket siren in Ra'anana. We shake off the sleepiness in our eyes and calmly walk down the stairs to the bomb shelter. A couple of minutes later, I hear a loud boom- the sound of the Iron Dome blowing up a rocket fired from Gaza. After this boom, we casually return to our rooms and continue sleeping.
Imagine a rocket siren going off in the United States. I honestly can't. And yet, in Israel, rockets become normalized. Most Israelis aren't phased when they hear a rocket siren. It's just another day at war to them; it's just an aspect of the Israeli reality. Fortunately, the Iron Dome makes the rockets a bearable disruption in the day, rather than total destruction. Nevertheless, the sirens are a constant reminder of Hamas' death threat.
After Shabbat on Saturday night, we find out that the community in Ra'anana is having a prayer service at Hadar Goldin's old high school. Without hesitation, we get in the car and drive to the school. When we arrive, I am shocked to see, what looks like the whole town of Ra'anana, gathered at the school's shul.
The high school principal spoke to us as well as the Chief Rabbi of Israel. What gave me goosebumps was when, Hadar Goldin's twin brother went in front of the room and spoke to the crowd. I couldn't understand how he was so calm up there. How could he speak to us without breaking down in tears? He was very composed and told us that he was confident his twin brother was still alive. He felt assured that the IDF would not leave Gaza without his brother. He left the room giving me hope.
We sang psalms and everyone in the room could hear one man's voice over the rest. This man sang loud with so much emotion that everyone could sense his pain. I sang with my arms around the people next to me as we swayed from side to side.
I can't understand Hebrew, but I could understand the atmosphere of the room and that was enough to feel something. I've never felt such an overwhelming amount of sadness as I looked around the room and saw everyone crying. I don't personally know Hadar, and yet I couldn't help but cry. I started breathing heavily as my throat choked up while I sang. My cheeks were wet with tears and my face grew hot.
The vibrations in the room of everyone singing was an awe-inspiring force. As people sang, they were praying to God with all their might. I saw a woman in front of me with her arms stretched open to the sky and her face looking up to God with tears running down her face.
It was inspiring for me to see Jews with so much faith in God, despite the suffering they've faced as a people throughout history. For thousands of years, Jews have been persecuted and even today, Jews face anti-Semitism worldwide. The Israelis combat the current manifestation of anti-Semitism: Hamas, a terrorist organization driven to obliterate Israel (As explicitly written out in the Hamas charter). In that moment, I looked around the room and saw sincere people with good hearts. I could not fathom why human beings could want to destroy the people in the room, myself included, based off a single factor that is their Jewish religion.
After the service, I left the shul emotionally drained. I wanted to crawl in bed and not think about war, politics, media bias, anti-Semitism, and the rest of the mess that had consumed my thoughts the past two months.
The next morning I woke up to the news I was dreading most. Hadar Goldin was announced killed in action by a Hamas suicide bomber. I was shocked to find this out only hours after our praying. This was a tragedy I have a personal connection to and I didn't even know Hadar. And yet, being Jewish and a supporter of Israel, I can completely identify with this tragedy.
Hadar Goldin was one of the 64 IDF soldiers who have died since the beginning of Operation Protective Edge. However, I don't like associating a number to Hadar or the rest of the soldiers, because every soldier has a unique story and a life behind that number. I encourage you, reader, to learn about the men who have sacrificed their lives defending the Jewish home land. For that cause, I am forever grateful to the brave, young soldiers of Israel.
יהי זכרם ברוך- May their memories be a blessing
Hadar Goldin, 23
-Camille Pilar Phillips
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